How Many Good Albums Does Eminem Really Have? The Dirty Secret of Eminem’s Career… Part 2 of 3 By: Nick Zablocki
How
Many Good Albums Does Eminem Really Have? The Dirty Secret of Eminem’s Career… Part
2 of 3
By:
Nick Zablocki
Welcome back, if you’re a die hard Eminem Stan, than this
article is not going to be for you. As readers of Part 1 may recall, I wasn’t super
high on any of the four albums discussed, but Em still managed to leave the
article with a score of 3 good albums to only 1 bad album. That will not be the
case for this article. Some of you are gonna leave with sore feelings. Sorry.[1]
Encore. (2004)
My favorite thing about this album
is that Stans will defend it till they’re
as blue in the face as Encore’s album cover. “Bro, it’s pure genius. If
you listen, it’s still bars. He still has bars.” And that is Eminem in a
nutshell, sure, these are technically well executed bars, at a technical level.
But, the content is bullshit. It just leaves me saying, “Ugh, I mean I guess
that’s technically a bar.” Encore feels like Eminem having a
psychological episode. A lot of the content is juvenile. This album is littered
with fart noises, childish voice inflections, and even a song titled “Big
Weenie.” Yup, you read that right, there is a song called “BIG WEENIE” on this
album. Need I say more? No. Am I going to? Yes. “Ass Like That” is absolute
trash. I just re-listened to 12 seconds of it to make sure I was recalling it
correctly. Shit just makes me mad. This is y’all’s G.O.A.T., fuck outta here. “Crazy
In Love” seems to be where Eminem fell in love with horribly sampling classic
rock songs. “Mosh” is kinda cool cause political Em always made some
interesting points. But, who really gives a fuck about George Bush in 2018? No
one. Inherently, the song hasn’t aged well. Two things we can take away from
this album. 1: Eminem was clearly on way too many pills at this point. 2:
Eminem had too many yes men around him. Someone needed to step in and say “Em,
you sound like you’re 8 years old on half these songs, you’re not putting this
shit out.” I’d love to see what Sigmund Freud would have to say about Eminem on
this album.
Good: 3 Bad: 2
Curtain Call. (2005)
Since this is just a “greatest hits”[2] project, I won’t technically count
this one for, or against, Eminem. But, this is the project that also gave us “Fack”
which in my *humble* opinion is LITERALLY THE WORST SONG EVER MADE.[3] Ever. This song alone excludes Eminem
from all G.O.A.T. discussions. If you say “Shove a gerbil in your ass through a
tube” on a song, you are automatically not allowed to be in the consideration
for the greatest rapper of all time. It’s just a policy I keep. If Jay-Z said
it, then he’d be out of the conversation. If Kendrick Lamar said it, then he’d
be out of the conversation. But, they didn’t say it, Eminem did. FUCK this song
is terrible. I have been blessed more than once in my life to show someone this
“song” for the first time. Both times the interactions went remarkably similar.
I said to the person “Have you ever heard ‘Fack?” They responded with “I might’ve,
I’m not sure.” and then I said back “OH, YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU HAD HEARD ‘FACK’
BEFORE. YOU DON’T FORGET ABOUT ‘FACK.’” Then I played it for them and I got to
see horror spread across their face. They’re were confused. They were
disgusted. They agreed it was the worse song ever made.
Relapse. (2009)
After almost 5 years being out of
the spotlight, Eminem returned with this serial killer inspired album in 2009.
Strangely enough, I kinda like Relapse. I don’t revisit it as much as I used to. But, Relapse is okay to
me. The accent gets a little tiresome. It’s a classic example of Andrew Hatt’s
theory that if most albums were like 4-5 songs shorter, they’d probably be
better. Perhaps I’m being hypocritical
in sort of enjoying parts of this album, I mean, it does contain a lot of
violence against women. I will grant you that it does. But, none of it feels
real. It feels like a movie. I dig the serial killer vibe of this project. I
dig some of the nonsense that is said on this album. This isn’t a great album
by any means, but, in my opinion, it’s in the upper third of Eminem albums.
This one is the toughest for me to rate. Fuck. I guess I’m doing it.
Good: 4 Bad: 2
Recovery. (2010)
Look, I’m as surprised as you are to see me
give Relapse a spot in the “good” section. It was the toughest call to
make, but, I went with my gut on it. Recovery will not be so lucky. This
shit is poppy trash. This is where Eminem started to slowly spiral into
mediocrity. The production is so radio friendly. The features are so radio
friendly. Sure, this album is filled with technical bars, but they’re hollow.
This album just leaves me feeling empty. It’s really bad, I don’t know what
else to say. It just has the same shallow, glossy glow that a Walmart has. The
sort of manufactured, inorganic nature that makes you wonder, “Is this giving
me cancer?” This is bad album. The pacing of it doesn’t exist. One song will be
talking about his trials and tribulations with drugs, the next one is filled
with women bashing, then a radio friendly hip-pop song. It just feels
haphazard. This is a bad album, if you had’t picked up on my opinion of it
yet.
Good: 4 Bad: 3
[3]
I’m just mad this song actually happened. You know? Like, how did not one sound
engineer say, “You know what, we’re not fucking doing this!” Where was Dr. Dre
on this. Someone needed to intervene on our behalf. Do you think this song was
done in one “moment of inspiration, or did this take multiple sessions to
complete? I hope it’s the former, but, I get the sense that it was the latter.
SMH.
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